We’re Pretty Sure Oklahoma Is Legalizing Polygamy To Stop Gay Marriage

After a landslide of states either recognizing or being forced by federal courts to recognize same-sex marriages, many states’ Republicans are in full damage control mode attempting to keep bigotry ingrained in their state’s law books. In doing so, Oklahoma may have just legalized one of the “slippery slope” arguments they used to fight marriage equality all along: polygamy.

Oklahoma Legalizes Polygamy

Oklahoma Rep. Todd Russ authored a bill, which has now passed in the Oklahoma House of Representatives, that removed the responsibility of issuing marriage licenses from the hands of court clerks. In fact, the bill will pretty much abolish marriage licenses altogether.
Instead, the responsibility of issuing marriage certificates would fall onto the lap of clergy members. Rep. Russ pointed out his reasoning, although it’s clear his main motive is continued ignorant bigotry, by saying this:

“Put it back to what it was supposed to be and was originally: a holy matrimony and a very solemn and spiritual vow.”

It’s apparent that Russ thinks this will hinder gay marriages in the state due to clergy members who may share his bigoted beliefs. What he failed to consider — something that it seems a intellectually disabled 3-month-old orangutan could have figured out — is the fact that not all churches in Oklahoma share his bigotry.
There are undoubtedly churches of all denominations in Oklahoma that will have no problem issuing marriage certificates to gay couples. There are also, however, several Mormon institutions. As of 2014, this included two Mormon missions, 86 congregations, one temple and 24 Family History Centers.
While many sects of Mormons don’t recognize polygamous marriages, the Apostolic United Brethren, the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and other splinter groups do support the practice. Similarly, there are between 50,000 and 100,000 American Muslims who live in families where polygamous relationships exist.
By granting the clergy the right to issue marriage certificates, rather than the state issuing licenses, Republicans have essentially poured barrels full of K-Y Jelly down that “slippery slope” they were always talking about. The state will no longer be able to regulate marriages, and if a certain religious sect thinks a guy having three wives is okay, how will the state stop them?
One would think that, if a man rolled up with his three wives and a marriage certificate from the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, a clerk of the court could say “Sorry, we’re not filing that certificate.”
Funnily enough, though, The Huffington Post had this to say:

“The legislation… amends language in the state law that governs the responsibilities of court clerks. All references to marriage licenses were removed.”

So in reality, the clerk’s sole job would be to record the marriage certificate so that it will officially be recognized by Oklahoma. That’s it. No more, no less.
For the moment, let’s ignore the fact that this bill is insanely discriminatory towards atheists and non-theists who might not want clergy performing their weddings. Let’s ignore the fact that Rep. Idiot Russ said this about non-theists getting married:

“They don’t have a spiritual basis for a marriage and don’t want to have a clergy member or a priest or someone involved in the spiritual aspect, then they can file an affidavit of common-law marriage.”

Let’s go ahead and also ignore the fact that Marshall Dyer, a family law attorney, stated:

“Oklahoma law currently recognizes common law marriages where there is cohabitation coupled with evidence of an intent to act as married, and holding out to others as a married couple. Currently there is no method of filing an Affidavit of Common Law Marriage with the Court Clerk.”

Let’s also ignore the fact that, as indicated by Dyer’s statement, if two individuals don’t want to live together until after they’re married, they will be unable to secure an Affidavit of Common Law Marriage.
Let’s ignore all of these idiotic side effects of this deranged law authored by an even more deranged Republican.  Instead, let’s think about whether or not Russ is a little smarter than we think.
Could he possibly be purposefully creating this “slippery slope” so that, in two years, Republicans can look back and say “See? We told you gay marriage would lead to polygamy!”  Could he possibly be smart enough to pull off such a charade in a long-term effort to make conservatives look good while hoping no one notices that it was Republicans themselves who laid the groundwork for legalized polygamy?
Who are we kidding?  The guy is just an idiot, and thankfully, there’s no way this unconstitutional law will ever hold up in court.