There's an American named Jade Helm. And yes, she's a little pissed right now.

"I promise the entire Texas military will watch this woman until we know what she's up to."

If three months from now this poor person decided to move to Vanuatu, you really couldn't blame her.

Three months ago, being that one American named Jade Helm would have been a curiosity of the oh-that's-an-interesting-name sort. With the advent of Jade Helm '15, the miltary-exercise-turned-massive-conspiracy-theory, however, being Jade Helm has taken a turn for the annoying. [...] "The lowest point was when I saw a Mr. Rogers meme about Jade Helm — of course posted on my Facebook timeline by one of my helpful friends," Helm said. "This was not how I hoped to be associated with Mr. Rogers."

Pin this one up as a reminder that all things considered, you probably have a pretty good life. At least you don't share your name with the single stupidest conspiracy theory to ever grace an actual sitting governor's synapses.