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Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Don Rickles Endorses Trump

by John DeProspo
The “king of the insult comedians,” Don Rickles, has endorsed Trump for pretender. The 89-year-old comic believes Trump is the right man for the job. Rickles observed, “He’s the fearless kind of guy we need as the leader of the free world. Who else has hair like that and has the nerve to be seen in public?”
When asked if he truly believed Trump had a chance against the other, more established candidates, Rickles replied, “ He’s got as good a chance as any of those other hockey pucks … and punkette. Fiorina, now there’s a face only Stevie Wonder could love!”
Asked if Trump could win a presidential contest against the Democratic front-runner, Hillary Clinton, Rickles quipped, “Hey if the woman can’t satisfy Slick Willie, how can she satisfy America?”
Rickles revealed he has been a friend of the Trump family for over 65 years. “I remember Donnie when he was just a little snot nosed kid sitting on his mama’s lap. Even back then I could see the brilliant mind and potential greatness. In grammar school, he used to pay a few pennies to this big kid, Bruno, to bully the faggy kids out of their lunch money.”
When asked if Trump has the temperament to deal with other world leaders, Rickles snapped,” Oh sure! You put him in a room with Putin and I’m telling you there’d be a price toupee! Get it? Folks, I got a million of ‘em!”
On a more serious note, the lifelong Democrat, also known as “Mr. Warmth,” was asked why he was supporting a Republican. “Hey, some of my best friends have been Republican. Did you know Sinatra was a closet Republican? But the real reason? We insult comics stick together.”
Yes, (for the intellectually challenged - read: wingnuts), this piece is Satire.

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