Top Ten Demands – Republican Cabal Pretender Campaigns

by John DeProspo 

 The dozen Republican pretender campaigns that met in Washington D.C. to discuss how the remaining debates should be handled have come up with a list of demands. Here are the “top ten,” as agreed on by the various campaign representatives:

1. No questions about which country a candidate would bomb next.
2. Debates should be taped, not live (for editing purposes and campaign approval).
3. Each debate winner should be allowed to skip the following debate.
4. Candidates should have the option to phone a friend, ask the audience or skip to the next question.
5. Each candidate gets two “potty” breaks.
6. There should be no questions on evolution, climate change, income inequality or who was the smartest “Brady Bunch” kid.
7. Candidates will be allowed to ask questions of the moderators.
8. Crib sheets will be permitted.
9. Candidates will be allowed to “take the fifth.”
10. Only one network, Fox News, will be allowed to moderate future debates.

Whether the TV networks will agree to all or any of the campaigns’ demands remains to be seen. As one media insider observed, “Without the ability to ask ‘gotcha’ questions, what fun would that be for the viewing public? Got to keep it unpredictable and lively if you want ratings!”